why i never look forward to hari raya...

alhamdulillah, muslims from all over the world are enjoying the barakah of ramadhan. as for me, i'm pretty sure i'm much the same like the rest.... BUT
i never look forward to celebrate eid mubarak
why?
when i was small, when everyone was excited sitting in front of the tv and listening to the radio to hear the announcement of raya, our family had already know. so the excitement was totally zero.
i never liked putting the curtain on....i never liked helping my brother polishing the brassware....
the things i knew i liked was sitting in the kitchen watching mak preparing the foods, watching my brother's friends cooking dodol in the lawn, and getting to whallop the big jar of biskut susu made by my cousin sisters back in kampung. oh, and not forgetting ketupat pulut with rendang la la...yummmyyyy!!!and not to forget my bundle of duit raya!!

another reason was because we barely celebrate eid mubarak as a whole family....as it has been a tradition, abah will never be around on the first day of raya...in fact, he's gone before i was awake! i'll be able so meet up with him only later in the evening at grandma's house.well, by then i was too busy collecting raya money and mingling around with my cousins. basically our family never got the chance so sit together and shaking hands asking for forgiveness like we could see on the adverts on tv.....

then later when both abah n mak retired, we decided for a little difference...every year, on the 15th ramadhan, we'll be off to mecca to perform umrah until the 1st syawal appears....so there was never the spirit of raya like everyone had back here.

after mak passed away, i decided that it is pointless to celebrate raya anymore...(for some reason i just couldn't tell the whole world)and i never did

and the most funny thing after all this years...when i got married to arief, i forgot that other people actually celebrate raya...and i actually forgot to even get a baju raya for my ownself!!nasib baik mama brought one for me...hehehehe

now....this is going to be my forth raya being a wife and a mother, but still i couldn't make it clear that i have to celebrate raya. i just couldn't be bothered...same ol', same ol'