ptd

a few minutes ago, a colleague checked his ptd exam result and he passed the exam.

another colleague didn't passed the exam but doesn't bother

it reminded me why i gave up taking the ptd exam.....
when i was in primary school i had the greatest dream ever...i wanted to became an ambassador
my late pak long was an ambassador and he lives in defferent countries one after another. during that time, i saw the job was very much exiciting and adventerous. i love seeing the world and the job seems to be a perfect match for my interest.
as time passes, friends changes their ambition from one to another, but i remain the same....still wanting to be an ambassador, but i've never told my family, not even my parents.

years passes and i was already in high school. i had planned everything nicely. finish high school, undergo a course in social science and then with abah help, apply for ptd.but little that i know abah knew about the one and only passion i had for ambassador. one fine day as i passed by him while he was reading the paper in the living hall, he suddenly spoke something to me..."engkau nanti tak payah nak jadi ptd. nanti family ko tah bersepah2, anak2 ko tah kemana, laki ko tak terjaga", and he continue reading the newspaper. i stood there numb, not knowing what should i do...should i open my mouth or should i just leave...and i choose to walk away

years passes again and i had forgotten about my one and only dream.i was busy wasting my life as a teenage.one day out of the blue after graduated and working, i remembered about it and applied for the ptd. after a few attempts and grew tired of it, suddenly what abah said went straight back to my memory. and i told myself, what abah said was his doa, and no matter how many times i take the test i will never pass the test...coz he said so.

now, i am a parent. at last i understand why he didn't want me to become a ptd. he never had time for his family and he don't want me to follow his steps. though he was never a ptd but as someone who works with the jpm, he was busy too.he was never around during hari raya..he wasn't around on our holiday trips...he's never around during merdeka...he's never around most of the time. i just can't imagine if i have to go on duty and leave haikal for a few days....arip okay lagi sbb dia dah besar and can take care of himself but being away too long is unbearable. so i'd rather stay here and pursue my career in education even if the pay that i get is considered low...as long as i have both my boys on my side...i don't care....i just don't care :)